Try

     If I'm to be completely honest with you I've sat here for twenty minutes, drumming my fingers, trying to think of something to say.  Now I am rarely at a loss for words, but at the moment I just cannot think of anything adequate.  Three days ago I got off a plane in Chicago, all too aware that I was going home, and wishing that I wasn't. 
    Ten days I'd spent in Haiti.  Ten days with eleven other Christians like me.  The trip was nothing like I expected it to be.  Nothing in Haiti is as you expect it, other than the extreme poverty.  Since leaving, I have an ache in my chest that has yet to decrease... I'm beginning to doubt that it will until I'm once again standing in the beautiful landscape of Hinche, Haiti. 
     Though there is no possible way I can accurately describe my experiences in Haiti, I will describe a few of our specific days because there is so much to learn for you.... there is so much I've learned.  As those posts come please read them with the mindset that you'll never understand, not until you visit yourself.  Keep an open mind, nothing I post is fictional though it may seem to be. 
      There's not much left to say.  The people of Haiti stole my heart.  They love in a way few Americans understand, much less practice.  They serve first, play second, complain never.  Their faith is astounding, obedience miraculous, compassion breathtaking.  I would return in a heartbeat given the opportunity.  As it is I am in America for a while, but my mind still lingers in that beautiful land.  So read on with care, if you allow, these next few posts just might impact you. 

Bring on the Haitian Heat

    So I've been going on missions trips all my life, but this ten day trip to Haiti is going to be unlike any previous trip I've taken.  Not only is this my first official time out of the country, it is also my first time experiencing extreme poverty; go figure, we don't have a whole lot of that in America.  We start off the trip with about fifteen hours of traveling... I'm sure that I'll learn very quickly that complaining doesn't help a thing.  Then we have a week or so planned with everything from working in the fields of an orphanage, to cooking with a Haitian woman, to giving fluorides to children. 
    While I can honestly say that I have no idea what to really expect from this trip, I am so incredibly excited for what the Lord is going to do.  Besides that, I'm most looking forward to dancing and worship God with the freedom of Haitians in church!!!   Color me pumped 'cause I'm going to Haiti!!!!!!!

Learned and Lifested

    This past week for me was spent partying at the musical festival Lifest in Oshkosh, Wisconsin.  While I could share many the experiences I had: chatting it up with an up&coming band Loftland (they gave me a free poster), jumping up on a table for a band to sign my Chuck Taylor, dancing the wind from my lungs at Family Force Five, or meeting some randomly awesome dance partners at a dance party, there is one thing I'd like to single out as most important. 
    Each morning I got up early to go and listen to a speaker named Tiffany Thompson give morning devotions.  Her theme for the week was pearls, and how God blesses us when we are willing to sacrifice for Him.  She told this story of a girl named Jenny (five or six years old) who wanted nothing more than to have her own pair of pearls just like her grandma's. 

       She worked hard to buy a cheap pair from the dollar store, earning quarter after quarter until she'd finally reached her goal.  She ripped open the package with enthusiasm upon receiving it and threw the pearls around her neck, admiring her beautiful appearance.  That evening her father put her to bed, telling her he loved her.  After she repeated the words he asked her a question: "Jenny, will you give me your pearls?".
    With a look of utter shock on her face she replied, "No! These are MY pearls Daddy!  I worked for them!  They are MINE.  You can have my teddy bear instead." 
      He simply shook his head saying, "I don't want your teddy bear.  That's alright Jenny, good night."  The next evening, the sequence repeated itself, this time Jenny offered her Barbie doll.  Her father still declined and left the room.  This repeated itself night after night until one evening Jenny's dad entered the room to find her balling.  He quickly ran up to her and asked, "Jenny!  What's wrong?" 
      With a look of utter despair little Jenny held up her trembling hand in a fist.  "I love my pearls Daddy," she cried, "but I love you more!"  With that, she dropped her precious string of pearls into his waiting hand. 
      Jenny's father smiled at this, and reached into his jacket, pulling out a long velvet box... and inside were Grandma's pearls. 

     When I heard the ending of this story I nearly began to cry, tears welling up in my already moist eyes.  For two reasons, this story impacted me.  First of all I realized that this is what I've been trying to do for the last three years of my life.  My goal has been to give God everything: my most precious pearls.  In return for my sacrifices, the Lord has been blessing me with opportunities, gifts, prayer, support, and so much more.  My life is an example of His blessings.
      Secondly, I reacted with sadness because I realized that this is how most Christians live their lives.  Even those who know God personally, who seek Him in prayer, reading their bible, and worship daily.... they still refuse to give God their pearls.  They may give Him other things - time, money, advice to new believers.  But each of have those few things that we cling to with desperation; as if we are afraid that we can't ever have better.  It could be a job, a relationship, a home, an image.  It is different for each of us, but those things, the ones we cling most tightly to.. those are the ones He desires most from us.  And if we are willing to give them freely to Him, He WILL bless us more abundantly than we can imagine. 
      So I have found a new freedom in Christ, and a new trust in the Lord's promises.  I don't care what logical decisions I should be making according to the world's standards.  I have a God who is asking me for my most prized possessions, and I will give them freely.  I am joyful because I know that I will be blessed for my sacrifice, and  because I already have the greatest confidence I need: that Christ died for me and gave me life eternal.  In comparison to that, any sacrifice seems small.

Switch

    You know that feeling when you finally step off a sailboat after a trip over especially choppy waters.  The ground is almost a savior, it's solid and strong, but the change is almost too sudden; your body is left in confusion.  That was this transition for me.  I went from cooking three meals a day for two young girls and taking care of their every need for most the day, to having next to no immediate responsibilities.  The relaxation, of sorts, is comforting.  Even still it feels too solid, almost unreal. 
    I'm heading off to Lifest this next week in Oshkosh, Wisconsin.  It will be a weekend full of constant friendship, rocking bands, greasy food, late nights, and dance parties... virtually no responsibilities.  I'm so excited!!!!  Lifest is a great opportunity for meeting new people, relaxing, and most importantly: worshiping my God!  I'm sure I'll have stories in a few days about my adventures I'm sure.  Until then, enjoy your weekend!

Easy Feelin'

    So today was the end of my month in the sunshine state.  It was a pretty great day :)  The girlies woke me up pretty early and we finished off a movie.  We hung out for the first part of the day; coloring and playing Barbies.  PB&J for lunch with pretzels and a slice of cheese (tomatoes for Madalyn and carrots for Brynn).  We just spent the time enjoying our last day.  A little later Uncle Pat took the girls and I to the Daytona flea market.  I have to say, it was pretty incredible!  More vendors than you can imagine.  The buildings which, at first, seem separate are actually connected, making it a strange maze of products that are so eerily similar you're sure you've already walked that way.  I bought a few more presents and completed more, still leaving with half the money I brought.  I could have spent all day there. 
    The girls had an art camp earlier in the summer and their work was on display at a local gallery, so the whole family went to look at it.  Afterwards my aunt and uncle went on a date, giving the girls and I one last night to be ridiculous together: we did not disappoint.  We purchased an insane amount of junk food at the grocery store as well as two large pizzas and cheesy bread from Little Caesar's.  We headed home and began to eat... and eat, all the while watching The Lorax.  Afterwards we initiated a special goodnight bedtime ritual.  This was where my fun really began.  First we played "follow the leader" as I sprinted around the house doing and shouting silly things, all the while cleaning up.  Afterwards we did a brief workout - soon realizing that our stomachs were simply too full to exercise.  Then we went upstairs and I read a book to them.  After they brushed their teeth I read them book number two.  Then we had a dance party.  I read the final book following our dance off and then proceeded to start a pillow fight :)  Finally, after we were all pooped, I requested they climb into bed, and we prayed.  Their prayers were sweet - "thank you for Caty being here, I really wish she didn't have to go","watch over Caty, help her to not find a boyfriend 'til she's thirty" - okay, MOSTLY sweet.   Then I sung them a few songs - one being my favorite as a kid: "Peaceful Easy Feelin" by the Eagles.  Afterwards I shut the door as they said their final goodnights.  It was pretty touching.
     Maybe it's the lulling, slightly sad music that I have playing on Spotify right now, but I'm feeling bittersweet about this departure.  In general, I want to go home.  I miss my family, my friends, sleeping in, NOT having to cook three meals per day for picky little girls.  I'm excited for the adventures I'll have upon returning...still I'm sad.  As is the human condition, we don't realize quite how much we have until we lose it, or are faced with the reality of losing it.  As I pack my belongings, I'm discovering how MUCH I love these people.  To see parents like my aunt and uncle who are so devoted to their jobs but care a hundred times more about their children, is touching.  They work so hard each day and come home thrilled to see their little dolls.  These children are inspiring as well.  They sing, dance, even eat without shame or hesitancy.  They believe in their dreams, real belief.  I am going to miss their sincere hearts and their gentle spirits, and their couch attacks.  This family has touched me and inspired me.  They've given me hope that families without massive secrets and ugly issues can exist; that hard work and love DO pay off, in their time. 

     If I can say nothing else, let me say this.  I love this incredible family so, so, so much.  I am going to miss them each day.  I have been inspired by them, and I hope that I can do the world some good with what I've learned.  I am so very thankful for the opportunity, the commitment, the service, and the love this family gave me.  I couldn't have asked for a better way to forge ahead in my changing the world.  *And as for Madalyn and Brynn - thanks dearies, I couldn't have asked for a better goodbye celebration ;) *

Stripes and Stars

     Home of the Brave.  Land of the Free.  United. 

     There's something special about America.  It may be the vibrancy of our colors - how even the grass seems to glimmer with ease.  It could be the hard-working nature of our people, many have difficulty stopping to enjoy themselves from time to time.  Possibly it's the ease of travel, there is a normalcy to out of state travel that is comforting.  Maybe it's the sheer size of the country... 3,794,000 square miles.  But no, none of these things truly touch the heart of America's unique beauty. 

      My best guess is that the thing that makes America so special has been taken for granted, mistaught, abused, and frequently discarded.  It now resembles the first American flag: beaten and torn, but beautifully inspiring if taken in fully.  This is our country's history.  The United States began in the hearts of impossibly stubborn people who desired the freedom to worship their God without abandon.  Unknown to most, many of these people died seeking this freedom, and others were plagued by authorities from numerous countries - many serving time in prisons and jails.  Once these people broke out from under oppression, they strove to build a country based not only on the freedom of individual choice, but the freedom of the Lord whom they served. 

      While nearly every American student studies the country's past wars in their history classes, too infrequently is the topic of oppression discussed.  Africans were not the only people group who's oppression played a role in our country's history.  From Japanese Internment camps to the church's role in rescuing many Hmong from refugee camps, America has been defined by the act of overcoming.  Our history is remarkable because of the fierce determination of the people making it happen.
       I realize it's a cliché but it's true to say that today's present is tomorrow's history, and we are constantly writing it.  Reality is that the suffering that defined the people of America's history is just as present today.  Children deal with negligent parents, spouses fear leaving abusive partners, parents struggle to support their families, teenage girls get pregnant, people suffer from depression, suicide attempts and successes sweep through high schools, shootings take innocent victims, young adults struggle with eating disorders, marriages fail more often than succeed.  Every citizen is suffering with pain in their heart, each in different way.
       My hope for this beautiful country is that we will view the hardships and victories of the people before us as an inspiration.  We will realize that only together were they able to conquer, and the same is true for us.  That we will find support in our fellow hurting citizens and be willing to share our pain - to work through our problems.  United, we will continue on in the fight more important than any war, the fight that requires the utmost bravery, the fight that heals and restores...the fight for freedom.