Cruisin' these Waters

                                                                                        

Just hearing

my mind could not picture,

nor fathom the massive machine.

Three football fields long

Ten times sixteen tons on,

t'was a thing to be personally seen.

That first day

we walked on together

mouths open with eyes sharp and keen

And as we left shore,

my heart jumped in my throat

as my legs found their strength in a lean.

The floors

made with finest of carpets,

the walls decorated in style.

The bathroom I saw,

with not one speck or flaw,

lovely colors and beautiful tile.

Employees

passed holding out liquor,

each offering theirs with a smile.

We exchanged a glance,

even doing a dance,

and decided to stay for a while.  

 

We landed

on the Bahamas' shore

the beach a twist of tan and green

Tourists meander,

while natives shout deals

 each one covered with sweat to a sheen.  

Reaching

the center of trade and crafts

workers spotting our wallets were keen,

they asked what we'd offer

for products so lovely;

we made guesses upon what we'd seen.

I walked

back onto the ship's deck

with a present in hand for each love.

All authentic stuff

nothing else was enough

for my family, come down  from above.

I looked at

my treasures with pleasure

each fitting their mate like a glove,

and I felt the ship move

we were already leaving

without using so much as a shove.

I reflect

with a fondness

'bout my ship and its journey, 

utilizing the power of the sea,

but admit,

with no shame,

that I'm much better fit,

to be working at home comfortably.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do or Die?

    There are very few things in this life that are do or die.  Demands at gunpoint, medical procedures, methods of protection.   Even these things are uncertain; one could, presumably NOT do and NOT die... the probability is just highly against him.  Now that's one philosophy, I happen to have a different idea of life.  Let me build my position brick by brick - starting, of course, with the foundation.  Living is the opposite of dying... is that fair to say?  For my purposes, we'll say it is.  So if this is true, then dying can be defined as NOT living.  While this is obvious, the basis of my theory lies not in my definition of dying, but of living.
     This is hard to pin down, for words are rarely sufficient in describing feelings, truths that echo deep within our souls.  I do believe that if any given person stopped all activity to reflect, the answer would become evident to him.  Most do not live, some grow closer than others yet never reach the threshold of life.  To live is to be absent of fear, regret, numbness.  To live is to feel, to truly feel without restraint.  To live is freedom.  To live is to know your purpose.  All things were created with one purpose: to glorify their creator.  While that may seem a meager calling, it is not only the noblest, but the most satisfying purpose one can obtain.  All this said, few people live. 
      Whether it be doubt, fear, pride, regret, or any other of countless possibilities, something holds them back.  I was held back by these same restraints and still am often - anyone who tells you that he lives completely free is either delusional or very proud, and often those two things are one in the same.  I was held back by these insecurities, they covered me with heavy shackles, but those restraints were broken.  Now I may seem ridiculous, crazy, careless, but in truth, I am free.  I don't allow judgments to guide my decisions.  Sometimes that rubs off on the people around me and I find someone who will be truly nutty with me. 
       Friday night was like that.  My Aunt, Uncle, and cousins went to a restaurant to see a friend's band play.  Their music was good for dancing so we all got up and began to jig, boogie, square dance, and let loose in many other ways.  We certainly looked ridiculous but we didn't care.  As a result of our freedom many others followed our example and soon we had around ten people dancing to the music.  While it was small victory, I will cherish the memory for two reasons: I danced my heart out and had the best time doing it, and I (along with the help of my wonderful family) gave a few others the chance to do so as well. 
       The point of this is that if  you're not doing (living), you're dying.  Death is not living and living is being free.  Therefore if you hesitate because of insecurities of any kind, you are not living... do or die.  Even if you're unsure of your purpose or your beliefs, take the risk and live a little... live a lot!  It will feel uncomfortable to begin, but before long, you won't be able to imagine living any other way.  Life is a gift not a competition; don't squander your time on the crowd. 

Free as the Waves

     Though I may be a light-hearted person, there is one thing that I take very seriously.  That is my purpose, my whole life; my God.  I am only successful, able, and strong because of His mercy and I am alive only to share with others how deeply He cares for them; how He can transform lives, how he redeemed mine.  While it's easy - in this world of busyness - to forget these things, I am constantly reminded...
       I read my bible on the beach this morning with the tide line just touching my feet and the sun heating my back.  It was the most beautiful time to reflect on God's glory; to hear His voice.  After I'd read I went out to stand in the waves as they crashed towards the shore.  The ocean is magnificent, each wave creates a separate beauty.  The waves are wild, untamable, risky and free.  They do not fear or hold back their strength.  They provide a distinct image of the glory of God... and they do all this by their obedience of God's design.  The true beauty of the waves lies not in their recklessness, but in their order.  Waves follow the ruling of the tide; every wave works as one, creating beauty. 
      This is how we are meant to be.  When we follow God's guidance, when we live in obedience, we bring glory to His name.  Our willingness glows with brilliance; as we work together that beauty increases tenfold.  We were created to be beautiful through our obedience, just like the waves.  Our disobedience only created storms, struggles in our lives.  We don't realize it, but when we live our lives for ourselves it becomes meaningless.  The beautiful motion we were designed for is nonexistent, we are stagnant. 
       So many know of God's love, of His sacrifice, and yet they "continue to follow their former practices instead of truly worshiping the Lord and obeying His instructions" (2 Kings 17:34).  To realize the incredible sacrifice that Christ made, and NOT to accept it is the saddest of all.  The Lord tells these that He "will make [them] return by the same road on which [they] came" (2 Kings 19:28).  Their disobedience results in punishment, as well as missing the gifts that were in store.
      But there are those who strive to obey God's law; who love Him with all their hearts.  People wonder, "What are you trusting in that makes you so confident?" and "Why should you be any different?" (2 Kings 18:19,19:11).  Let me tell you.  Their confidence, my confidence, comes from the almighty God who has forgiven my sins and called me from the ashes.  He is restoring my broken heart and bringing light to the darkness in my soul.  As the world fails I remain confident in His love, His forgiveness, His justice, and His holiness.  I am made different by my trust in Him; by my lack of fear.  Though I sometimes fail, through my obedience I am bringing Him glory like the waves of the ocean; forever working as one to sing the praises of our Lord. 

Florida Fitness

     I often find myself setting personal goals according to large events in my life.  For example, make amends with this friend by Christmas break or clean my room by the day of that gathering.  These goals are easy to mark and efficient... in theory.  The problem is that I have an atrocious rate of follow-through and most often those tasks get pushed to the back burner and eventually forgotten.  This is what I expected of my "Florida Body" goal.  I was going to get in shape before heading down to Florida for a month.  I was correct in my judgment that I would be just as out-of-shape and unhealthy before Florida as when I set the goal.  However, I had created a stipulation in case of such an occurrence: if I was not fit FOR Florida, I would become fit IN Florida.  Still, I thought that I would forget about the goal and soon become lazy. 
    So far that has not been the case.  I've been running every day with the dog, Buddy.  The picture attached is of me after a run and a quick shower.  The first day I ran was about 85 degrees and we jogged one and a half miles.  When I came back I made a spinach and fruit salad with almonds and raspberry vinaigrette dressing.  Today was so warm that I couldn't bear running so I waited until the girls were sleeping at about 8:30 and took Buddy out then.  I put a little flashlight collar on him and I wore an orange shirt so that people wouldn't run us over.  Then we headed out.  It was my goal to make it to the highway off their side street and after a while of jogging I did.  We were both pooped when we came back, imagine my surprise to find out that the run was over three miles!!  I was pretty impressed with my out-of-shape self.  I decided that if I can push myself to do that, then I can push myself to get fit this month.  So that's my goal... eat better, exercise more, be healthier.

On a Summer Day

Today was a typical, lovely, southern summer day.  Keep in mind that I'm saying this with virtually no previous knowledge as to what a typical southern summer day is - the wonder of inferences.  Anyhow I dropped the girls off at art camp, managed to find a cute boy to smile at, rocked out to music in the Jeep, made mac 'n cheese (experimenting with mixing two different flavors), played Barbies, took funny pictures on my laptop (one of which is so conveniently displayed), ran with a golden retriever, got a glitter tattoo, and had a mini performance at the request of my lovely cousins.  The weather was gorgeous - even the random downpour was nothing but fun for the three of us driving in the Jeep, trying to figure out the wipers.  I also, in my few hours of free time, managed to watch Avatar (only three years late).  Oh I almost forgot giving the girls a double shower... THAT was an adventure to be sure:) So one day down out of thirty and I've gotta say... in this southern heat, anything could happen. 

Lice and Mice

      Seven o'clock AM (Eastern Standard Time) I was woken up by two excited girls claiming that they'd been waiting all morning until it was late enough to wake me up... and yes, I believed them.  From personal experience they wake up at Six AM like clockwork, we'll see if that's changed.  From there on the day became less predictable.  We started out by having a little experiment.  I made them oatmeal - a dangerous food to experiment with if you've ever tried - and we saw if we could figure out the proper ratio of water to oats.  Madalyn, the oldest, thankfully knew all the ingredients if not their specific ratios.  We were met with success and both the girls ate and enjoyed their breakfast. 

     As the plan is for me to drive the girls around in my Aunt and Uncle's old Jeep, they thought it would be good for me to drive it around one day with my Aunt present in order to acclimate me with the surroundings.  The plan was sadly spoiled however by our discovery that the battery was completely dead... not an ounce of life in the poor red Jeep.  So instead I had the privilege of driving the mom van for the day.  First, we headed to art camp - my Aunt and I - to drop the girls off.  Without too much of a problem we get them situated in the new environment and went to the grocery store.  We arrived home earlier than expected and ran into the cleaning lady, a second grandmother to the girls, Normandy.  Pleasant yet straight-forward, I enjoyed even the few minutes in her company (as well as her husband's) before we headed out again for lunch.  The philly cheese steak I ordered was superb though I did admit to my Aunt that I might have been a bit confused about my location.  We stowed our purses and shoes afterwards and went for a pleasant walk along the beach; the weather in Florida was gorgeous today. 

         After retrieving the girls from art camp we returned home for a brief period then headed out yet again, this time to Brynn's piano lesson.  Besides being questioned as a wife, mother, and aunt of Madalyn during our time waiting, everything went smoothly.  Once again it was back to the bat cave afterwards.  The girls and I played a very animated game of Barbie; correction: I played, they stared with amusement and wonder.  We ate a healthy dinner and headed out, for the last time of the day, to swim team practice.  The girls seemed to have fun while swimming but it was soon over and I got them showered and home.  It was then that we addressed the issue of Madalyn's itchy head; we had all been dreading this because of her nasty case of lice no more than a month ago.  After Uncle Pat went through her hair meticulously he discovered the bedding bugs within her scalp and so began the process of ridding the house of them.  Between washing sheets and pillows, vacuuming carpets, and applying a lotion to kill the lice on the girls, we had our work cut out for us.  Though it was tiring we finished eventually. 

       The night ended with the three of us: Aunt Tina, Uncle Pat, and I, discussing the plan's for the next day.  When the dead battery of the Jeep was brought up they reassured me that it would be fine.  I told them I wasn't too worried but Pat just said that he hoped it wasn't a mouse that had chewed through the battery cable.  I learned that they had had issues with mice earlier and had gotten rid of them.  I just sighed with a smile... all part of the crazy day.  I must say however, I've had enough exposure to lice and mice to last me a lifetime. 

Brainless for Planes

         There are many things in this life  that I have yet to do (skydive, go to college, use a potter's wheel) and there are many things I've done and wish I wouldn't have.  Misreading the departure time for my flight to Florida and therefore missing the flight - that's made it to the top of my list.   Showing up at 11:00 for a flight at 11:25.... that doesn't exactly work. 
      I'm reminded once again how incredibly blessed I am by the willingness of my Aunt and Uncle to find a different flight and my family to drive me down to Milwaukee at the drop of a penny.  I could not have a better family.  While I am frustrated with the turn of events this crazy morning I can do nothing but take ownership for my silly mistake.  I'm thankful for how simple it was to reschedule.
       Though I am not, at this point, pleased with the service at airports, I am determined to be positive.  Maybe my next experience will be an improvement... I certainly hope so.

Cloth Box of Death

      What is it about suitcases that makes people want to scream?  Is that illogical? Alright, that makes me want to scream, to quit, to jump off of a very high ledge - wearing a parachute of course,  don't go jumping to conclusions now.  All I can say is that I'm sitting here staring at my suitcase with utter loathing, and I wonder why.  I almost feel bad for it, after all it's not as if it's done anything wrong.  Still I imagine it taunting me, ridiculing me for my packing choices; that extra pair of shorts or
funky T-shirt.  
       If I had to guess I would say that it's less about the suitcase and more about what it represents.  Clearly we all have issues with the unknown, I would certainly rather be in control of the situation by knowing every detail.  Instead,  I must resign to knowing only bits and pieces.  So I stare at my suitcase with dread,  not knowing if I've planned correctly or if I'll encounter an unexpected event and be caught off-gaurd.  That, I suppose, is what brings the excitement.  The very thing that scares me is what makes this whole experience fun.  So maybe I'll give my suitcase another chance.  After all, we're going to be spending a lot of time together.

Under Alumna?

             So one last question lingers on my mind as I ponder the event that was my graduation.  Though the process of graduating an entire year early - being filled with questions of countless varieties - has sufficiently prepared me, still, I remain perplexed.  Simply put I wonder: what am I now?  Let us not confuse this with WHO am I, for I have a fairly good idea of who I am and rarely stray from that idea.  I speculate however, as to what I am.  The best I can figure, I've decided that I am an under alumna of Kimberly High School; graduated early, over-accomplished in many areas and likely lacking in others.  I do not meld into the mold created by society's standards, but rather, I break the mold and use the shards to create beauty - or at least that's the goal.  You'll have to decide if I accomplish this as I journey on. 
            Now that I've covered the thoroughly confusing question of what I am (or at least in part), I suppose I should describe this experience.  Incredible, difficult, surprising, surreal.  I've felt too many emotions to count and doubtless ignored many others for fear of being overwhelmed.  I do know that I am sad.  I love my class of 2014 with a passion and it feels like I'm losing my family in the trip overseas.  I don't want them to experience their senior year without me; to graduate, to move on, without me.  I am going to miss their beautiful smiles, their undying passions, their fearless choices, their wacky personalities, and their dedicated hearts.  Leaving behind my class is the hardest part of this crazy ordeal... Class of 2014, I will miss you.  
              While sadness has been a great emotion in this venture, my mind has been filled with excitement.  I am incredibly blessed to have so many wonderful travels planned for my future.  My mind is an open book that imagination is using to paint its story; the flurry of tasks and the mess of life are no match for it!  I cannot wait for the adventures ahead!
             To everyone who's been part of my journey thus far: I most sincerely thank you.  Your heart, support, humor, planning, sacrifices, and smiles have enabled me to accomplish more than I would've believed.  Kimberly High: you were the best high school I could ask for. I'm certain that I could not have been better prepared for what lies ahead than I am because of what you have taught me.  I will forever be grateful for  your challenges.  This chapter of my life is ending, but it will remain in my memory as a time of great learning, great opportunities, and great spirit.  Good bye high school, it's been real.